Yuck, the voices in my head have been mean as of late. “I have no one to talk to.” “I have nothing worthwhile to say.” “I have failed at everything I’ve done.” Ideas aren’t flowing, irrelevant thoughts are hijacking my brain, and my inner critic is being extra judgy. Diagnosing the problem has been hard. My guess is a combination of (a) being at home and not having much going on, (b) a lack of energizing conversations, (c) a murkiness around my future.
Anyway, here are a few updates from me in the last month. Stay till the end, because I’ll share five pieces of wisdom from our fellow humans that you don’t want to miss!
Agenda
Update: Video Game
Update: Graduate School
Update: Dance
5 Quotes
Update 1. Video game.
What does 200% obsession look like? Well, in a short 2.5 months (+ tons of YouTube videos)— I'm ranked in the top 0.005% of players. The next step up is to enter the pro scene. And while I can probably hack it— I'd rather not put in the time investment. Like many fields— the gap between the #1 player and a really freakin' good player is wider than the gap between a really freakin' good player and an average player. Therefore if I’m not progressing, then I should either (1) quit or (2) save the game for uber rides and airport lounges. But in the process, I have found joy in (1) learning a new skill and (b) being a competitor.
Update 2. Graduate School.
Flashes of everything I hate about school:
Snoozefest lectures, twisted incentives (grades > knowledge), and a grid-like desk arrangement designed to output factory workers correct-answer machines.
So you'd imagine I'm a bit hesitant about the idea of "going back to school".
I applied back in Jan 2024, when I was interested in startup cities, and I figured this was the best way to get involved.
The program is called a “Masters of Decision Analysis”. And I am drawn to the art & science of making better decisions — a skill that was not taught by my parents nor school. And a skill that will become increasingly important.
I attended a sample class. Instead of homework, there was pre-reading. (term: flipped classroom) And I got to speak to my Zoom classmates, briefly.
The university adopts the latest pedagogical methods according to research. Still, I find the instruction nowhere near Write of Passage level. But then again, that’s a high bar to meet.
Going entails I work full-time to pay for tuition. I still have a few reservations about the quality of instruction, but I am more optimistic about the quality of people I'd meet. I have until May 5th to decide.
Let me know if you have any advice.
The Luck Razor: "If stuck with 2 equal options, pick the one that feels like it will produce the most luck later down the line."
Three facts about Minerva University: (1) Founded ~10 years ago in San Francisco, (2) Funded by tech billionaires, including the CEO of Netflix, (3) Ranked the #1 most innovative university in the world.
Update 2. Dance
"You're wasting your time."
"You have no talent."
Two things my Dad told me after I told him I was learning how to dance. Ouch.
Regardless, I've completed a beginner hip-hop course and I'm working my way through the intermediate program. I’ve used up my battery of emails and credit cards to maximize the # of free trials. So fortunate are we to be able to access world-class instructors at the click of a few buttons.
Any fellow dancers reading this? Let's compare notes (!)
In hip-hop, the two foundational are the bounce (up & down motion) and the rock (front to back motion). To execute the bounce, imagine a pogo stick, so bend (& un-bend) your knees but don't actually lift off the ground. For the rock, imagine a solid line through your shoulders and hips. This line is sturdy, like a wooden plank. Every time your shoulders move forward, your hips move back, and vice versa. My instructor Buddha Stretch (a.k.a the father of Hip Hop) says the most important thing is to "STAY IN THE MUSIC!" (as opposed to analyzing the music from the outside).
Apart from hip-hop, I'm also adding a splash of contemporary dance— which has been kicking my butt in other ways. Whereas hip-hop requires excellent conditioning— contemporary dance requires flexibility. The focus of hip-hop is on rhythm while the focus of contemporary is on expression, but of course both are both. To maximize expressive-ness, it is necessary to tap into your emotions. Personally, I find this quite tricky, but there are tricks you can use. For example, the quickest way to self-induce sadness is not through will, but through breath. Simply take one deep inhale through the nose, like you're gasping for air, followed by a shuttered (= chopped up) exhale through the mouth. (Try it).
There are other tools you can use. Chin lines are a great way to connect the tilt of your chin to a specific emotion. Imagine three lines (up / middle / down) intersecting with another three lines (left / center / right), forming a square. Move your chin to each of the intersection points, while feeling a specific emotion. Look directly up and feel prideful. Look down and feel angry. Look to the side to seem mysterious, and look to a bottom corner to seem playful.
Rudolf Laban is a pioneer in dance theory who invented the sheet music for dance. He broke down movements into eight types and four dimensions (weight / space / time / flow). For example, the “effort quality of time” is broken down into sudden and sustained. To execute a sudden movement, imagine a sharp pain, as if you stubbed your toe. A sustained movement is more like you’re reflecting on a memory long ago, perhaps feeling a sense of nostalgia. Or— sudden is to a photo as sustained is to a series of moving frames (ie. a video). Dance moves (within the same beat), can be danced differently, which will look different to external observers.
Lastly, here are five quotes that have resonated with me. These have been sources of inspiration in my quest to becoming the best human being that I can be. And I hope they can help you become the best human that you can be, whatever that looks like for you.
(1) and (2) are about perspective change. (3) is about commitment and experiencing the full range of human emotion. (4) is about the value of striving. (5) is about possibility and a curiosity-driven life.
We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.
~ Seneca
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.
~ Anaïs Nin
I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it when I sorrow most;
’Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
~ Alfred Lord Tennyson
It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.
~ Teddy Roosevelt
I dream of many different careers, many different lives, many different loves, many different renewals of myself, as if I am an immortal being, who is able to experiment and explore across an endless timeline.
~ Riva Tez
It is so so refreshing to hear from and about you, Leo.
Gaming has been on my mind a lot recently - a skill I would like to understand, and learn. So, if you have time to chat sometime, that will be one of the topics on the list!
Such an awesome read my friend....when it comes from deep within it resonates....more power and more importantly more peace to you...