Wanna hear a cool story?
I am sitting in a coffee shop called The Madison Place. I am chillin’ on the sofa, trying to be figure out what the heck is going on in The Beginning of Infinity, but I would soon become fixated by the scene that would unfold in front of me.
Two gentlemen sitting across from me on armchairs.
A job interview.
The interviewer is a plump gentleman wearing a blue polo with glasses in his late 40s or early 50s. Across him is a man of similar age, 5 or 10 years younger, wearing a plaid button-down shirt. He is on the balder side.
Interviewer = “Polo Guy”
Interviewee = “Bald Guy”
So I begin observing from the middle of their conversation. I quickly get the gist that the interview is for a gardening position.
Hmm can I help this bald guy? Can I go over there and pretend to be his wingman? Like “Nice to see you man, and say to the polo guy: he’s such a great guy?” No no that won’t work, bald guy won’t go along with it. It’s too random. If I do that, I’ll be at the center of attention — not him — that is the opposite of what I want.
Good thing their armchairs were angled and facing one another — because had one of them turned their head just 45 degrees — they would’ve noticed me staring at them with wide open eyes.
They have approached the last stage of the interview — the “Any more questions?” phase — and I'm just like — mentally — to the bald guy:
Dude. Just say you’ll work hard. Polo guy is clearly looking for a hard worker. That’s all you got to say!
Now the reason I knew this was because at the prior stage, the polo guy said he’d trust the references (= meaning he won’t care to check on them), paraphrased “gardening isn’t rocket science”, asked “When can you start working?” etc. Lots of hints that he’s just looking for somebody who can do the job.
But the bald guy was so oblivious! He kept on yapping about how he’s also looking for a nighttime side hustle — telling “ghost stories” for a tourism company — how he’s “passionate” (not true, he’s looking for cash) about going around abandoned parking lots sharing supernatural stories, etc.
This is how I felt:
“Oh c’mon that was such a bad call.”
But you know what is freaking crazy? Literally 10 seconds after I have this thought — the polo guy literally says ”… [i’m looking for] somebody who works hard.”
This wasn’t the first time I had predicted voodoo sh*t like this. A week prior, at the same place at a separate “job interview” between a man and a woman, I sensed woman raise her shoulders and arms. Inside I felt something, and thought to myself “is it just me or did she suddenly get very uncomfortable?” Her conversation partner didn’t notice or didn’t do anything that suggested he noticed. So I began to gaslight myself and literally 15 seconds later — woman says — out of the blue — “in Colombia, my country, it’s not very safe right now...” — a non-sequitur to an otherwise positive/neutral conversation — and I’m like holy sh*t… what was that? 15 seconds in advance?
“You’ll hear from me by the end of the week.”
The bald guy leaves.
The polo guy relieves himself in the restroom.
Then, 10 minutes later, the next interviewee comes. She is wearing a bright floral dress. Her arms are showing and she is, I don’t know, mid 50s?
Now I had failed to help the first man, but maybe I can help the second woman? Let’s call her ‘Floral Lady’.
From the interview I just witnessed, I know what the polo guy is looking for — a hard worker.
So I begin to think, how do I get this information to her?
I start conjuring scenarios and eventually I come up with this plan of writing it down a paper note and and handing it to her, but pretending like she had dropped it on her way here and being like, “Hey, did you drop this?” etc.
So I take one of my journal pages and rip it in half two times, creating fourths. Then I take one of the fourths and fold it in half — which makes the perfect size.
It’s small enough that she can easily open it, carry it, and hide it
It’s large enough that I can fit all the words in there and she can read them clearly
I write on the paper:
——————— | he's looking | | for a | ———————————————— | hard worker | | --------------- | ———————
At this point in the conversation, they had just wrapped up their 10 minutes of small talk. She had talked about how this was her first time at the cafe, how her son serves in the military on the USS Gerald Ford, while the polo guy tried to make conversation back by saying how much he likes boats — he knows very little about boats.
Now they are entering the second phase of the “Stock Standard Interview Template”, and I learn that the floral lady is a nurse who recently quit her job — hence the transition — etc.
I can’t wait any longer.
Because when they get into the actual meat of the conversation — it’ll be more rude to interpret — and also the information won’t be as useful.
So I quickly pack up my things, carrying note in palm.
As I am walking toward them to deliver the note, I make a last-second adjustment. I decide to use the restroom instead.
Ok hear me out.
First I actually need to go, but second I realized that the angle of approach makes it so the polo guy could see me coming, therefore I would have to bend down and pretend to pick up something up, whereas if I come from the direction of restroom — which was behind them — the angle of approach was a lot cleaner. I can pretend the note is in the restroom corridor therefore I don’t have to execute a bending-down maneuver.
I stay in the restroom for 45 seconds to 1 minute 30 seconds. This is enough time for me to do my business — but more importantly — enough time for them to forget about me entering — after all this is quite a busy cafe.
On my way out, I turn the corner and come up around the left side of the floral lady and say, “Excuse me, did you drop this?” — while extending my hand to give her the note.
Now in my head, I know there was a very real possibility that she could decline the note — after all, it isn’t hers. Now I didn’t over-prepare for a contingency, but my plan was if she declines — to either say in an authoritative voice — “Take it, it might be yours” — or mutter — “Sorry, must be someone else’s” — and bail.
She accepts my note without hesitation.
This is a pleasant surprise. I quickly turn to the polo guy and say “So sorry to disturb your conversation...” — to which he replies “No, it’s fine.” This buys floral lady time to read the note.
Right at that moment, I decide I have to leave.
Previously, I contemplated moving to another corner of the cafe afterward, but I can’t bring myself to do it. For one— it would be awkward for the floral lady to continue w/ the interview knowing that there is someone in the building who might be watching/listening in on her. Second, I feel like I have done my job and need to GTFO.
So I put on my sunglasses and confidently stride out the door. My car happens to be on the right side so I pass by a large glass window — where floral lady can visibly see me leave.
I don’t bother to see their reactions. I don’t turn back. That would ruin the moment, and besides, cool kids don’t look at explosions.
Who knows what happened??
Maybe floral lady told the polo guy and they had a good laugh.
Maybe floral lady took the info like I had intended and used it to change the way she presented herself and landed the job as a result.
Whatever happened — I don’t have a stake in the outcome.
If floral lady gets the job — that’s great — but it would mean bald guy doesn’t get it — and I’m empathic to both of them. I’m also empathetic to polo guy who just wants the best candidate.
I found this whole thing incredibly amusing — to me! I was riding a high afterward.
Here’s my fantasy endgame for the story:
Floral lady sits at the dinner table one night with her kids and she tells them:
You can’t believe what happened!
So I was interviewing for the gardening job, and a mysterious stranger walks up to me, hands me a note that tells me exactly what I needed to do to ace the interview!
Unbelievable. How could he possibly know?
And that’s how Mama got her new job!
You can’t script this…
It must be a sign from the cosmos! 😂
What an awesome story… is this fiction?
…literal jaw drop on the note drop move…lol’d shaking head irl…